Goat Simulator Review

Goat Simulator

Publisher: Coffee Stain Studios Developer: Coffee Stain Studios Platform: iOS Release: 2014 Players: 1 Genre: Sandbox / Action Rating: 8.5 \ 10.0: Fantastic

Above is the result of the goat latching its tongue to a car.

Goat Simulator sounds, with all due respect, like a boring Farming Simulator expansion, but it's actually probably the most hilarious sandbox game you'll ever play. This is a port of the popular but critically disliked PC game which has removed the original version's inappropriate content. The developers claim that this is a "small, broken, and stupid game", but this is to imply how funny this game is. The concept is ridiculous-- you, playing as an invincible goat, wreak mayhem upon small cities through the use of head-butting, your adhesive tongue, various supernatural powers, and extremely glitchy physics. The main noticeable difference in this mobile port is the graphical downgrade. The other version of the game takes up only a few dozen more megabytes, so I don't get why the visuals here look like they were rendered on a PS2 and suffer from pop-up.When you boot up the game and press the play button, you are asked to choose from one of two maps to play. Each map has a large set of trophies to collect, secrets to discover, and goats to unlock. That's right-- as if being a normal goat wasn't cool enough, you are also able to become a giraffe, an ostrich, a penguin, a whale, a robot, a giraffe-like alien, or another type of goat. Humorously, the other animals are named as goats (the giraffe is "tall goat", the penguin is "classy goat", etc.). Goat Simulator is all about asking questions and getting answers the glitchy and funny way. Questions I've asked myself include "What happens if I drag that guy onto a treadmill?" "What happens if I strap a pitching machine to myself, then stick my tongue to a grill?", and my all-time favorite: "What happens if I stick my tongue to a rollercoaster cart?" Every experiment you make is bound to at least garner some chuckles. The funniest events usually occur unintentionally, such as when I headbutted some guy and sent him hurtling into a gas tank, causing collateral damage and also setting him aflame. Since the bystanders are as resistant to injury as you, they're pretty much punching bags. If there's ever moment you just don't want to end, tap the slow-motion button, and laugh hysterically you soar through the air along with a group of now flaming people, exploded gas tank behind you. When you've gotten sick of wrecking people's houses, blowing up cars, and stealing knocking chip bags and bottles off store shelves (don't be surprised if you think you see a bag of Doritos or a bottle of Coke), there are plenty of side attractions. If you're in Goatville, I recommend wrecking Coffee Stain Studio's office where you can play a Flappy Bird parody starring a goat, infiltrating the low-gravity testing facility (accessing this area without glitches involves a Mario reference, unlike the other version), or fighting goats in the arena (now you get a crown for winning the title bout!). Goat City Bay offers even more fun, with attractions including an amusement park, a playable Steamworld Dig parody, and a party on the roof of a hotel DJ'd by the one and only Deadmau5. When on the roof, Deadmau's unreleased song "Petting Zoo" plays. These are only the most notable features, but there are tons of more pleasant surprises in both maps. If you enter the sewer in Goat City Bay, you can find a group of four turtle-people that look like a combination of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Shrek. It's pleasantly surprising and very satisfying to discover a secret or pop-culture reference. One of my favorite features is the ability to record your session and upload it to Kamcord or a social media app. When a PC or mobile game is ported to mobile devices, controls are always a concern. This game's touch controls are responsive and easy to use. Like nearly every mobile port of a PC hit, there is content from the original version that is not present in this edition. The deductions are mainly goats and hidden trophies, so it's hard to care, but the inability to download user-submitted maps and goat mutators like on PC, while understandable, was disappointing. Additionally, the maps have been tweaked in ways both noticeable and irrelevant. For example, a train track replaces the low-gravity testing facility in Goatville, and now can be accessed via a green pipe that wouldn't be out of place in a Mario game. Another change is that the cliffside in Goat City Bay has been removed. To make up for this, there is a new goat exclusive to this edition: the Anti-Gravity Goat. It was awesome enough to deck out my goat with a glass dome helmet and purple boots, but nothing beats watching a mess of furniture float around a living room, further ruining a guy's day by headbutting him in low gravity, than turning it off, or  or completing all the air height and airtime-based objectives with a single jump. Another issue is the lack of multiplayer. The computer version did offer split-screen multiplayer to anyone with a controller, and I would like to see GameCenter, Bluetooth, or online multiplayer added to this game eventually. As I mentioned earlier, the game is incredibly buggy. While the game occasionally crashes, it's fun to watch the goat's head spazz out when it's against a wall, and it's straight up hilarious to watch the goat glitchily jerk across the screen in a stretched-out mess. It has even been said by Coffee Stain that glitches are an integral part of the experience. The game gets boring after you've wrecked everything, but I can think of no better way to kill a couple hours. This game may be broken and stupid, but I had a great time playing it.

Ups
Stupidest, therefore greatest concept ever
"Experimentation" is hilarious
The funniest occurrences are unintentional
Slow-mo button
Tons of pop culture references
Glitchy physics
New goats
Great way to kill a couple hours
You're a goat!

Downs
Downgraded visuals
Occasionally crashes
Missing some content from original version
Boring once everything has been wrecked

ESRB: T Content: Violence Price: $4.99 (Download)